I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
