Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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