we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
