Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
