The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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