so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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