He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
