Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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