drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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