just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
