I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
