It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
