Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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