Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
