I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
