How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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