I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
