I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
