I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
