If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
