Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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