3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
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Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
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Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
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