Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
