I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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