We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
we made out on top of his cat.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
