I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
ok first of all what the fuck
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
