I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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