so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
