I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
