Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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