i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
