it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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