Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
