Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you had me at cake vodka
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize