Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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