the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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