Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize