It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
