OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
