It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
this is an emotional support booty call
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
