Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
