happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
