Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
