I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
