I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
