he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
