I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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