I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
