My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
