"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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