we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
