he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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