Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
