ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
