so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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