This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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