I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
