Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
