i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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