Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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