Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
