I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
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he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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