I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
