My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
