Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
