just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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