I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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