i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
