We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
