i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
