Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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