id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
