Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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