hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
